Are you on the inside?
9:05 PM Posted by Unknown
saying "hell yeah"? Or are you with me on the outside looking in? Well, not with me but the same as me anyway.
I am a somewhat shy person. I like to be involved but rarely jump up and say, pick me! I hate to feel like I am being obtrusive or pushy. But maybe I should be more often. I am like that when I meet new people to and perhaps that is why I have so few friends (real or internet wise). Not that I don't want to be a social person. I just feel once a "group" is already made it is very hard to break through the wall to get in.
I think things in my life have made me who I am, for better or worse. I have had many "good" friends stab me in the back so therefore I do not make friends easily. The times I have met someone I wanted to be friends with I would suggest a lunch or something and get rejected. Now why would I want to keep putting myself out there for that?
I think I have somewhat of a complex too. For example I can be on an airline flight to anywhere, a packed flight no less and the one and only seat left available is the one next to me.... Do I smell? I brush my teeth, I use deodorant, I swear. In school I was the one no one wanted on their team. The last one picked, that we me. I was the girl that the guys picked on, the girls hated and was never asked on a date. I was the "stuck up" one, yeah right!! But that is what people thought. I was shy, it was, and still is a defense mechanism. I hold my head high, walk with a purpose and trap myself in my own little world where no one can touch me.
On top of this I admit I have anxiety issues. Always have. As far back as I can remember anyway. Social situations put me on edge. Not so much if I am with someone but to go to a social gathering alone or eat at a restaurant by myself? No way!!! Not that I haven't, but I do avoid it if I can. I take meds, they help. And as an adult I do realize I do need to do things I have anxiety over regardless of how it makes me feel and I deal with those things as they come about.
I am 41yrs old, should I, or do I even care about not being on the "inside" ?? (whatever or wherever the inside is) No, not so much. Sure it would be nice to be loved by everyone, but it's all good. Then I think about blogging. I think of things that happen day to day and think of posting but then wonder, "why would anyone want to hear/read about that"? But ya know what? It's my blog and I need to be doing this for me! If someone thinks something I post about is stupid or boring then so be it. I really shouldn't worry about it. And guess what, I'm not.....
I am a somewhat shy person. I like to be involved but rarely jump up and say, pick me! I hate to feel like I am being obtrusive or pushy. But maybe I should be more often. I am like that when I meet new people to and perhaps that is why I have so few friends (real or internet wise). Not that I don't want to be a social person. I just feel once a "group" is already made it is very hard to break through the wall to get in.
I think things in my life have made me who I am, for better or worse. I have had many "good" friends stab me in the back so therefore I do not make friends easily. The times I have met someone I wanted to be friends with I would suggest a lunch or something and get rejected. Now why would I want to keep putting myself out there for that?
I think I have somewhat of a complex too. For example I can be on an airline flight to anywhere, a packed flight no less and the one and only seat left available is the one next to me.... Do I smell? I brush my teeth, I use deodorant, I swear. In school I was the one no one wanted on their team. The last one picked, that we me. I was the girl that the guys picked on, the girls hated and was never asked on a date. I was the "stuck up" one, yeah right!! But that is what people thought. I was shy, it was, and still is a defense mechanism. I hold my head high, walk with a purpose and trap myself in my own little world where no one can touch me.
On top of this I admit I have anxiety issues. Always have. As far back as I can remember anyway. Social situations put me on edge. Not so much if I am with someone but to go to a social gathering alone or eat at a restaurant by myself? No way!!! Not that I haven't, but I do avoid it if I can. I take meds, they help. And as an adult I do realize I do need to do things I have anxiety over regardless of how it makes me feel and I deal with those things as they come about.
I am 41yrs old, should I, or do I even care about not being on the "inside" ?? (whatever or wherever the inside is) No, not so much. Sure it would be nice to be loved by everyone, but it's all good. Then I think about blogging. I think of things that happen day to day and think of posting but then wonder, "why would anyone want to hear/read about that"? But ya know what? It's my blog and I need to be doing this for me! If someone thinks something I post about is stupid or boring then so be it. I really shouldn't worry about it. And guess what, I'm not.....
March 16, 2009 at 4:13 PM
I swear you and I are soul sisters. I feel the exact same way and on a daily basis. I personally like what you're doing here...and love your honesty.
March 18, 2009 at 3:53 PM
Well here is your triplet... I feel the same way and I struggle at times to keep my self esteem. I know if you and I got together, we would so get along and have a blast! You are a cool person Susan, dont doubt that!